Naruto, The Black Cat
by Dark Fox King
Summary: What if Kyuubi wasn't always a demon fox. But a man named Train Heartnet. Rated M for language and violence. R&R. Temp. hiatus job cutting into writing time.  Graveyard shift SUCKS!
1. Chapter 1

**DFK: Hello, this is just another story I'm goanna write.**

**Train: That's it?**

**DFK: Call me out again and I'll have my friend write you in an orgy with Orochimaru, Kisame, Zabuza, Creed, and Sakura. (Notice I listed all guys. HAHAHA)**

**Train: I'll be good!**

**Naruto: HAHAHAHAHAHA! WHIPPED!**

**DFK: Shut it or I'll pair you with Gai, and make you think you're a five your old girl.**

**Naruto: I don't believe you.**

**DFK: I'll have Ino braid your hair. Now do the damn disclaimer!**

**Train/Naruto: Dark Fox King does not own Naruto, the reference from X-men , or Black Cat.

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**

#1: The Black Cat

Today Naruto was on his bed looking at the ceiling, deep in thought. He didn't know what to think anymore. He finally learned why he was hated, the Kyuubi no Kitsune was sealed inside of him.

Was he really a monster?

Did he truly deserve to die?

He was torn from his musings as the world around him started to spin, then he was overtaken by darkness.

_Drip  
Drip  
Drip_

Naruto opened his eyes to see he was in a sewer, with knee deep water. He stood up to see a large gate that had a piece of paper with the word seal on it. Behind the gate was Large red eyes. Now, Naruto was definitely not an idiot, his intelligence rivaled his friend Shikamaru. He hid his intelligence because improvement was met with hostility. So naturally he figured it out. Gate + Red eyes + Fucked up area = his mind.

"**Look what the cat dragged in.**" Called Kyuubi.

"Whaddya want Kyuubi?" Naruto asked without the slightest bit of fear.

"**We need to talk.**" Said Kyuubi, causing Naruto to raise an eybrow.

"About?" He asked.

"**Well, truth is I had been the Kyuubi for… about a week and a half when I got sealed. Anyway one year before my attack, I was being controlled mind you, I was a human. You see to save my fried Rinslet I took a shot to the heart. After several weeks in purgatory God, or Kami as you call him, showed up and told me the previous Kyuubi stepped down and he wanted me to replace him. My name is Train Heartnet, the Black Cat …**" Train then told Naruto about his life.

"Wow, hell I could write a book about your life and make a fortune." Said Naruto.

"**Heh heh, glad you liked the story. Look, I never left a legacy but I want to give you something, actually four somethings, first is my partner, Hades.**" A sphere then flew from the cage, and landed in Naruto's hands. The sphere then morphed into Hades. "**Second is the gunblade I created from orichalcum, Akuma no Fangu, the Devil's Fang.**" (See URL on my main page) A black sphere went to Naruto's hand, forming Akuma no Fangu. "**Therd is this.**" Naruto's chest started glowing. He pulled his collar down to see the roman numeral for thirteen in his chest.

"Your tattoo?" It was more a question than a statement.

"**My DNA to be more precise, the tattoo signifies you as the Black Cat. You will gain my strength, agility, and reflexes. You may look like me because you have my DNA.**" Train explaind.

"Neat." He said

"**Lastly all the malnutrition will be corrected. Thus the call for a new wardrobe.**" A white orb then flew from the cage. As soon as it touched Naruto he was forced out of his mind.

Naruto sat up to see his weapons and new clothes. Black pants and boots, white V-neck shirt that would show his Tattoo, black gloves, and a black leather jacket that stopped at his midriff. (What he wore on the last episode minus the emergence meat patties. Don't ask me why he had those, I don't know.)

He got dressed and looked in the mirror. His eyes were silted like a cat's, his whisker marks were thinner, he had longer spikier hair, still blond, he was almost as tall as Train, he had the build of a swimmer, and had the urge to drink milk.

'_Train, this has to be the best day of my life._' He said in his head.

* * *

The next day.

"SVEN!" Yelled a purple haired woman.

"Yeah?" asked Sven walking into the room.

"You know how a last year we had a sensor searching the planet for Trains DNA signature?" She asked.

"Yea Rins, we still never found his body. Rest his sole." Rins then turned the monitor to him. "*GASP* That's his DNA, it's active! It's in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle. I'll call Sephiria to see if we can borrow a chopper." He then ran out of the room.

* * *

Back in Kinoha

All the Jonnin were gathered for team placements. One Kurenia Yuuhi spoke. "Hokage-sama, though he did defeat a chunnin are you sure?" The Hokage nodded and spoke. "The shadow clone jutsu takes weeks to get the basics of it down; he got it to an impossible level of mastery in three hours. I believe he has been holding back."

Iruka walked into the classroom, quieted the class, looked around the room and asked."Hey, where is Naruto?"

The classroom pink who- I mean bit- I… ya know what, screw it, the pink whore screeched. " What does it matter, that baka didn't pass."

"Actually, Naruto did pass but he had to use the shadow clone because of his emence reserves. Many of you have low to high gennin, Sasuke has low chunnin, Naruto has mid to high _ANBU _reserves!" Many students gasped while a certain Uchiha was seething in anger.

'How did he get such power, with that power I could kill…him!'

Then someone walked in like he owned the place. All the girls had blushes on their cheeks and hearts in their eyes. They admired his swimmers build, whisker marks…wait, whisker marks?

"Naruto?" Asked Iruka.

"Yeah?" He asked back.

"What happened?" Naruto smirked and answered.

"I had a genjutsu that hid my appearance to prevent me acquiring the attention of the fan girl hoards. " He lied, it was still believable.

"Well take a seat so I can start." Naruto then walked to the only seat that was available, between the Hyuuga twins. (Yes, I made them twins, they're both thirteen. I needed a third member for team 8.) The twins are like night and day. One was soft, gentle, and shy. The other was tough, coarse, and bold. As he approached Hinata thought.

'_Naruto-kun is coming this way, what do I do? What if he talks to me? I think I'm going to faint._' And Hanibi thought.

'_Maybe if you can show you're stronger than me we can finally be together my Naruto-kun_' (Yup, totally just did that.)

"Team 1…" Naruto tuned out so he could talk to Train.

'**_Dude, you do know that both the Hyuugas_' have the hots for you?**'

'_Is that why according to Kiba that once I come near ether of them they start to smell like honey?_' In the cage Trains eyes were wide. He then broke out laughing. '_What? Never mind not, like I care._'

"Team 7, Haruno Sakura, Inuzuka Kiba, and Uchiha Sasuke. Team 8, Aburame Shino, Hyuugas Hinata and Hanibi. Team 9 is still in circulation. Team 10, Yamanaka Ino, Nara Sikamaru, and Akimichi Choji."

"What about Naruto-kun/Uzumaki?" Yelled Hinata and Hanibi, they then the glared at each other.

"Teams 11 and 12 are retired numbers so he will be on team 13 by himself, Naruto you are to report to Lord Hokage." Said Iruka, then before anybody had a chance to ask him any questions he disappeared.

* * *

One week later

"Okay we're over the drop zone!" Yelled the pilot. Sven, Rins, Eve, and Sephiria lept from the helicopter. Eve made a giant parachute for everyone. "Oh my god. How did we miss that?" Said Sven seeing a large continent rather than a small island. After some time of traveling they were ambushed by bandits.

Eve looked around to see everyone chained to a wall, and all their weapons were at the other side of the room. She then saw multiple shadows approaching.

"I'm goanna take the blond one. (This is about six years after Edan, so she is therteen.) She looks like a screamer." Just as she was preparing to make a blade out of her hand another shadow appeared. "Who the hell are you?" The shadow pulled out a gun from the looks of it.

"I'm the Black Cat. I'm here to deliver some bad luck."

**BANG BANG BANG BANG **

Eve and the others that had awoken watched in horror as they thought Train returned to his old ways. The silhouette of the man they thought was Train walked in. Sven then yelled.

"Train, I thought you stopped killing."

The man stepped into the light to revile himself as Naruto.

"Train Heartnet died by being shot in the heart because he was saving a girl named Rinslet. He was given a second stay on earth as the guardian of Kuni no Hi. After he was appointed as Kyuubi he was forced to attack my home village Konohagakure. My father used a forbidden technique to seal him inside me. He gave me his old DNA that way I could carry on his legacy." Naruto then walked over and released them. "From what Train has told me you people mach the descriptions of Sven, his partner. Eve, he keeps referring to you as princess. Sephiria, the leader of the Chronos Numbers. And Rinslet, the annoying purple haired pain in the ass. Nice to meat you all. Come on you people better come with me." Sepheria then spoke.

"No need, we'll call back the chopper."

Naruto held up a hand. "That won't work. The the person that brought you here was in the air right?" He received a nod. "Well then he's dead. If you leave the continent you forget everything. Your mental state degrades to that of an infants. He probably crashed in the water."

"So what your saying is that we're stuck here?" Asked Sven.

"Pretty mutch."

"Well, shit. Whats your name."

Naruto turned to him. "Naruto Uzumaki, Black Cat and shinobi of Konoha.**"  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**DFK: Hey, it was brought to my attention that I screwed up the time line. Well, I'm too lazy to fix it so bare with me, just have it in your minds that Eve and Naruto are the same age.**

**Train: Yeah you fucked up bad.**

**DFK: *Smacks Train in the head with a frying pan* SILENCE!**

**Creed: How dare you strike Train! He is perfect, we shall be gods together!**

**DFK: The fuck? Why are you here you psychotic fag?**

**Train: Just do the disclaimer.**

**Creed: Naruto and Black Cat are not DFK's, but soon Train shall be mine.**

**DFK: *BANG, creed falls down dead.* On with the show.

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**

#3 The Working Cat

After quickly dispatching the rest of the bandits with Sephiria, the group set off for Konoha.

Currently the sun was setting and Naruto decided to stop.

"Okay let's stop here for the night. I'll explain how this place works." Once every one was settled Naruto spoke up. " Okay here is some basic history. This area is the elemental countries, we are currently in Kuni no Hi or country of fire. Most counties have a hidden village; I come from Konohagakure no Sato, or as you would call it The Village Hidden in the Leaves. Every hidden village has a military of shinobi and kunoichi(SP?) shinobi are male ninja while Kunoichi are female ninja. Before you get the wrong idea it is not due to sexism that there is a split. The reason is because there are jobs men cannot do, like acting as a decoy for a woman of royalty. Anyway, the reason we don't do the whole capture and not kill thing is because people are trained in the escaping arts, air go capture is pointless. In the bingo book, which is like a book of wanted posters, every bounty says wanted dead, not dead or alive. Are you with me so far?" He asked.

Sephiria nodded, as did Eve and Rinslet. Sven then asked. "So what your saying is, you kill people for money and if we continue to be sweepers, we will too?"

"Yes, but I'm going to give you guys an exercise to get your first kill out of the way." Naruto said, getting confused looks. "Eve you're up first, but before we do this I want you all to remember this. No matter what a person does it is not okay to kill, if you always feel bad that you killed, that is a good thing. If you feel nothing when you kill, then you are not human. Now Eve tell me, who is the most important person to you?" Eve then pointed to Sven.

"Good, now follow me." Naruto and Eve walked into a small clearing. Naruto then made a blood clove that looked like Sven and tied him up, when she was not looking.

"Now Eve," He said to get her attention. "You are to kill Sven." She gasped in horror at what he told her.

"No, I can't. I won't!" She yelled.

"So be it." He then pulled out Hades, and shot 'Sven' in his foot causing him to scream in pain. "Kill him." She proceeded to shake her head crying. He then shot 'Sven' in the other foot. "Kill him or the torture continues."

Eve then transformed her hand into a blade. "I'm sorry." She then decapitated him and fell to the ground and passed out crying.

Naruto walked back to the camp carrying a sleeping Eve bridal style. Sven noticed them first.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HER?" He yelled.

"I'll explain later." He said setting Eve down.

Deciding against using blood clones for the others he placed them in a genjutsu on them. Sven, killed Eve and Rinslet killed Train.(Sephiria has gotten use to killing allready.)

The next morning he was dodging bullets, and a mallet for an hour. The gang was at the gates of Konoha when an ANBU landed in front of Naruto.

"Naruto-sama, you are to report to Lord Hokage immediately." The ANBU then dissapered in a swirl of leaves.

"Damn, you four go to the address I told you about, I'll be back whenever, feel free to talk to the Hokage tomorrow for, a bingo book or something." Naruto then rushed to the Hokage Tower.

* * *

Sarutobi was not in a good mood. He just got a message from Team 7. They encountered the demon brothers, _and _Zabuza yet they _still_ continued.

"Hokage-jiji." Called a familiar voice. He looked up to see the resident Black Cat.

"Naruto-kun, Team 7 is currently in Kuni no Nami and needs assistance." He explaind.

"Understood, I will set out now."

* * *

**Naruto: That wasn't very long.**

**DFK: Yeah well... too bad.**

**JA NE!  
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	3. Chapter 3

**DFK: Sorry for the late update. **

**Creed: You shot me! **

**DFK: oops, I forgot, Train where did you put my orichalcum bullets? **

**Train: In the same cabinet as the disclaimer! **

**DFK: *opens cabinet* I own nothing; if I did Creed would be less crazy. Now, *loads Hades with orichalcum rounds* nighty nighty. *Bang*

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**

#4 The Traviling Cat

Naruto was walking towards the east gate to head to wave when…

"Hey Naruto!" Called a familiar voice. Naruto turned to meet face to face with a mallet.

"Eve, I get it, what I did was wrong, can you stop greeting me with a mallet?" Naruto pleaded holding his face.

"Fine, as long as you will never do that again. Everyone else was wondering where you went." Said Eve letting the mallet revert to hair.

Naruto got up and said. "Well, I got a mission. If you want to you can come and I'll split my pay with you."

Eve adopted a thinking pose. "Sure, I'll go tell Sven that we're going to be gone."

"Meet me at the east gate in one hour." Said Naruto walking off.

* * *

One hour later Naruto arrived at the east gate to find Eve listing to a mp3 player, listening to, from what he could hear, Thee days grace.

"Are you listing to Three days grace?" Naruto asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, what of it?" Asked Eve putting her mp3 player away.

Naruto put his hands up in a defensive position. "Hey hey hey, I got nothing against it. I just never took you for one to listen to that group. Let's get going." They both started running towards wave full speed.

* * *

After half an hour of running Eve said she needed to do something, so they stopped. With a snap of her fingers Eve's out sit changed to a leather outfit. (Think Trish from DMC 4 and I don't own that ether)

Naruto let out a whistle. "Damn Eve, since when did you dress like that?"

"Like what you see?" She asked. (I love making people OC, oh and over the years Eve lost the monotone voice, it would be weird to hear that question in monotone.)

"Well, yes, but why don't you act like this around the others? Asked Naruto.

"The reason I don't dress and act like this around the others is because Sven would probably say "it's unfitting for a lady to act like that" so I pretend to be his innocent little girl." Answered Eve.

"You can't please everyone, besides, from what Train has told me Sven is the most accepting person he ever met." Said Naruto, as he started to head in the direction of wave again.

"Okay, I'll give it a shot; see if he accepts me for me." That said they ran the rest of the way to Wave.

* * *

Naruto and Eve were approaching Tazuna's house and they were chatting about one thing or another.

"And then I shot the rope and the chandelier swung down and hit him out the window!" Exclaimed Naruto, throwing his hands in front of himself.

"That had to hurt like a bitch." Said Eve between laughter.

"You _do_ hit pretty hard." That comment got Eve mad to where she was swinging an arm blade at him. "It was a joke! Common, please stop trying to kill me." Begged Naruto as he leapt around like a monkey on speed.

"Maybe in an hour I'll stop!" Yelled Eve as she swung at his neck only for him to duck. Naruto then swept her feet out from under her and caught her bridal style.

"I win." Said Naruto, a small grin adorned his face. Naruto set her down once she turned her arm back to normal. The duo reached the door and Naruto knocked. An old man in tattered clothes opened the door.

"Yes?" He asked.

"We're the reinforcements for Team 7, is it safe to assume your Tazuna?" Asked Naruto, resting his left hand on the hilt of Akuma no Fangu, which was somehow sticking to his left hip even without chakra.

"Oh, please come in." Said the bridge builder motioning them in.

Inside the emo was brooding in a corner, the pink bitch was eye fucking the emo, kiba was petting Akamaru, and the scarecrow had his nose buried in his porn. Naruto could smell something wonderful cooking, it smelled like miso soup.

"Hey there scarecrow." Said Naruto raising his hand. Kakashi looked up, eye-smiled, and went back to reading. "Tazuna, do you have any milk?" Asked Naruto, receiving a sigh from Eve and a nod from Tazuna.

"I guess you inherited more than Train's looks." Eve said, rubbing the bridge of her nose.

"Heh heh heh." Chuckled Naruto cratching the back of his neck sheepishly. (This will forever be referred to as a Naruto moment) "Seriously, though can I have a bottle of milk?" Then a woman in her mid twenties came in with a full bottle of milk.

"I heard someone wanted milk, so who is it that wanted it?" She asked, once Naruto raised his hand she gently handed it to him, receiving a thank you. "No problem, you are helping save this country, it's nothing really." She said with a kind smile.

"Oh, this is my dayghter Tsunami." Said Tazuna placing a hand on her shoulder.

At this point Sasuke had taken a break from his brood-a-thon and was looking at Eve. '_Hhmmm, look at that body, I will have her._'

Sakura noticed Sasuke was ogling the blond and thought. '_That bitch is stealing my Sasuke-kun_!' '_Please, your Sasuke-kun? Open your eyes, he doesn't like you! Now when you get back try to seduce Ino._' '_Shut it Sakuya_'

"Well, I'm goanna train." Said Naruto heading for the door. He was about to open the door when he heard the voice of a kid.

"WHY DO YOU TRY SO HARD? YOU'RE JUST GOING TO DIE!" Naruto turned to see a child in overalls, a white shirt and a bucket hat.

"Inari!" Yelled Tsunami.

"Kid, I don't plan on kicken the bucket any time soon." Said Naruto, leaning against the door.

"LOOK AT YOU, YOU ACT SO COOL BUT YOU KNOW NUTHING OF SUFFERING!" As soon as the kid said that the temperature dropped in the room.

Kakashi heard Inari and could only think two words. 'Oh shit.'

"Kid, you have a loving mother and grandfather, _you _have had a loving family. I had nothing, _I _have no idea what love is other than the facts it's an emotion, _I _have been hated and scorned all my life, _I_ have been beaten every day since I was five, _I_ have been burned alive! MY ENTIRE LIFE HAS BEEN SUFFERING!" Yelled Naruto, he then left and slammed the door behind himself.

Tazuna turned to Kakashi and asked. "Kakashi-san, ha-has that actually been his life?"

"Tazuna-san, which was his life with a lethal dose of sugar on top." Said Kakashi.

Eve, Tsunami, and Inari where in tears, Sakuya was as well, Sakura was yelling at Sakuya for feeling bad for Naruto, Kiba was not paying attention because he was checking out Eve, and Sasuke was doing the same as Kiba.

* * *

Haku was walking into a clearing to pick herbs to help Zabuza heal; he saved her after her father killed her mother, and tried to kill her. During a fight with Kakashi the Copy Nin Zabuza sustained major wounds, hence the need for herbs.

In the center of the clearing, that was littered with tree stumps and piles of wood, was a boy with a strange sword in his hand. She kneeled down and went to strangle him when his hand shot up and caught her wrist. "Now, now, no need for senseless killing, eh, hunter-chan?" Haku went rigid at him calling her that. How on earth did he know? "You smell of blood, and a distinct metal used for senbon. Air go, you're the hunter-nin from the report. Don't worry, I'm not here to kill you or Zabuza," at this Haku relaxed a little "I'm here to extend an offer from Hokage-jiji, me against Zabuza, he wins, he gets my sword, It is indestructible and can launch projectiles made if chakra at the speed of sound. I win, you two come to the village and serve as shinobi. Got all that miss…"

"Haku, and yes. What's your name?" Asked Haku as she stood up.

"Naruto Uzumaki, the Black Cat." Said Naruto with a mischievous smirk.

* * *

**See that button?**

**You do?**

**Press it, common, you know you want to.**

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	4. Chapter 4

**Me: Okay, I'm tired of coming up with chapter titles, so I'm goanna stop. By the way I made the graduation be at 15 not 13. **

**Naruto: Dark Fox King owns nothing

* * *

**

Naruto was currently sitting on the roof with Eve; he sat to her right with an ear-bud in his left ear, the other in Eve's right ear. They were listening to Minority by Green Day.

I want to be the minority  
I don't need your authority  
Down with the moral majority  
'Cause I want to be the minority

I pledge allegiance to the underworld  
One nation under dog there of which I stand alone  
A face in the crowd unsung, against the mold  
Without a doubt singled out the only way I know

'Cause I want to be the minority  
I don't need your authority  
Down with the moral majority  
'Cause I want to be the minority

Stepped out of the line  
Like a sheep runs from the herd  
Marching out of time  
To my lovve beat now the only way I know

One light, one mind, flashing in the dark  
Blinded by the silence of a thousand broken hearts  
For crying out loud she screamed onto me  
A free for all, fuck 'em all, you are at your own sight

'Cause I want to be the minority  
I don't need your authority  
Down with the moral majority  
'Cause I want to be the minority

One light, one mind, flashing in the dark  
Blinded by the silence of a thousand broken hearts  
For crying out loud she screamed onto me  
A free for all, fuck 'em all, you are at your own sight

'Cause I want to be the minority  
I don't need your authority  
Down with the moral majority  
'Cause I want to be the minority

I want to be the minority  
I want to be the minority  
I want to be the minority  
I want to be the minority

Once the song was over Eve asked, "How again do people get things from off of Bermuda, if you can't leave?"

Naruto looked over and replied, "Specially selected traders are given a seal so they can leave. My Godfather is a seal master, He should know it."(Oh yeah I forgot, Eve cut her hair to where it falls just above her lower back.)

With new found hope, she asked, "Really?" He nodded "Thank you!" She yelled enveloping him in a tight embrace. Smiling, he hugged back. He was glad they could get back, after all it _was_ his fault they were trapped.

"Look I know we had a… rough, start" Started Naruto, causing Eve's eyebrow to twitch. "but I was wondering if we could put all that behind us?" Eve's answer was what he was half expecting, she reached up… and… slapped him. What he didn't expect was for her to lean over, kiss him on the cheek, and tell him they were even. "Crazy, bitch." He muttered.

Eve then held up an arm-blade and asked in a sickeningly sweet voice, "I'm sorry what was that?"

Naruto had a 'naruto-moment' "N-n-no-thing, noth-i-ing at a-l-ll." After a quick pat on the head, Eve went back inside. Naruto let out a sigh of relief and went inside.

* * *

The next morning the team left with Naruto leaving five shadow clones to guard the house. I mean, what kind of job would they be doing if his family was left to be used as bargaining chips? When they arrived at the bridge, the workers were staring in fear and mild entertainment as they watched Zabuza and Haku play poker with the demon brothers. Zabuza turned his head and looked at the blond. "Yo Blondie, you ready for our match?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, get your ass over here so I can kick it." Replied the jinchuriki.

Instantly the mist-nin was in front of him slashing horizontally. Naruto dropped down to his back and kicked the zanbato wielder in the wrist with enough force him to drop the sword. (The members of Team 7 tried to assist but were stopped by Haku, Miezu, and Gouzu.) Naruto rolled out from under the falling sword and jumped up in time to avoid getting a boot to the face via Zabuza. Charging at Zabuza with Akuma no Fangu in a reverse grip he leapt into the air. Stabbing downwards Naruto almost struck the assassin in the shoulder, but he grabbed his sword and brought it up to defend. Naruto then took his sword in his right hand in the stance for a style Train learned in limbo from a devil, that style was the Dark Slayer Style. (The style requires you to make your own attacks) {BITE} Called Naruto, stabbing at Zabuza with great speed. While many jabs were dodged five managed to hit their mark. Once Zabuza regained his bearings he batted Naruto with the flat side of his clever. Naruto Attempted to get up but couldn't for there was a foot on his throat and a blade in his face.

"Yield, I don't want to kill you." Said Zabuza. Zabuza then felt a sword against his neck. 'Naruto' merely went up in smoke.

"Took the words right out of my mouth." The real Naruto said. Cursing Zabuza dropped the zanbato. Just then they heard clapping, looking over they saw an army of mercenaries behind a midget in a suit. "Hey look, a shrimp with a fancy stick." That comment elicited a chuckle from Zabuza, and a sigh from Eve.

"Looks like your nothing but a baby demon. Hmm, maybe I'll keep the women keep the men as pets." He said, licking his lips. Suddenly two massive waves of killing intent (from now known as KI) flooded the bridge.

Zabuza Yelled. "GATO YOU WILL NOT TOUCH MY DOUGHTER!"

"**AND I'LL BE SIX FEET UNDER BEFOR YOU TOUCH EVE!**" Naruto all but roared, tapping into Trains chakra. Haku and Eve were both touched, Haku because Zabuza cared for her like a daughter, Eve because Naruto was willing to go so far to protect her. Both the Demon of The Bloody Mist and The Black Cat charged at the army.

"Kill Them!" Yelled the business man retreating. Grinning, the Demon brothers charged as well. All four converged on the small army. The slaughter lasted only minutes, Gato was currently chained up by the Miezu and Gouzu, Zabuza held his sword to the back of the tyrant's neck, Naruto held Hades to his forehead "Who are you?" Stammered Gato

"I'm the Black Cat, and I'm here to deliver some bad luck." Answered Naruto, before he pulled the trigger, followed by a decapitation via Zabuza, lastly the twins shredded the body.

* * *

About a mile away the only merc to servive the encounter burst through a door. At a counter was a man writing in a book. "May I help you?" The man asked.

"Yeah, I got somebody to add to the bingo book. I don't know his name but he refered to himself as the Black Cat." Said the merc.

"Hey, I've heard of that guy. Said to make the occupants bandit camps disappear, leaving only bloody puddles. What happened?" Asked the man, wondering what information the mercenary could have. "Him and three others wiped out an army in minutes!" Exlaimed the merc.

The clerk was dumb struck. "Tats A-Rank at least."

* * *

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	5. Chapter 5

**DFK: **Yo, I'm back.

**Train: **That's it? No epic tale of how busy you were?

**DFK: **Busy?...Nope just been procrastinating.

**Naruto: **Then what convinced you to come back

**DFK: **Felt like it.

**Train/Naruto: **Lame...

**DFK: ** Meh.

* * *

Patience, one simple word that meant more than some can comprehend. Naruto, he had patience by the boat load... and his was wearing thinner than a piece of GOD DAMNED PAPER! Not only did he have to deal with the emo king, who constantly mumbled about condite bars and a log, and his ever faithful puppy, the I-think-with-my-dick-and-nothing-else Inuzuka couldn't take a hint and was hitting on Eve... every...damn...minute. Kakashi was chatting with Zabuza _AND _Tazuna about some random porn novel. Haku was out shopping with Tsunami, the former more than likely being chastised for trying to by Icha-Icha BDSM edition and cigarettes(she traveled with three guys for several years, she picked up some bad habits).

And so we find our hero, eye twitching, hands curled into tight fists. "Is the bridge finished?" Asked the feline like ninja as calmly as possible, his annoyance easily masked after a few short breaths.

Looking over at Naruto, Tazuna spoke, "Yup!" was the jovial response from the clearly inebriated old man.

"Good, when Haku and Tsunami get back we head ou-" Started Naruto only to be rudely interrupted by the pink banshee.

"Who made you the boss, Sasuke is better than you will ever be" Screeched the Haruno, much to the ire of the rooms occupance.

Before anyone else spoke Kakashi interjected, "Naruto was sent by the Hokage himself as a relief and backup contingency. He is therefor marked as the mission director and outranks any shinobi, even if the Hokage himself was here he would still hold rank. This stated in the shinobi code of conduct, section 12, paragraph 15, 7th sentence. The missions contingency squad leader will act as mission director and will hold rank over any and all shinobi." Quoted the cyclopse.(for those who can guess the meaning of the numbers you will get a cookie, just leave your guess in the reviews)

Tsunami and Haku walked through the front door yielding any further bickering. The former looking more than a little miffed and the latter smiling with a lit cancer stick hanging between her lips. "Sup." came the care free greeting from the younger female.

Tsunami turned to the ice user, "No smoking, go ruin your lungs outside!" ordered Tsunami, holding the mighty frying pan of doom in a threatening manner. Throwing up her hands in a defensive manner Haku left albeit begrudgingly.

* * *

Later the entire town arived at the bridge to see off the group of eleven. "Come back and visit sometime!" came the shout from Inari, who had tears of joy cascading down his face. Naruto lifted a lazy thumbs-up in response and leaped off with the others to shorten their trip.

Upon arrival at the gate the small group was stopped by an ANBU with a cat mask. "I see your mission was successful, Genin Uzumaki. The Hokage will wish to speak with you." Came a feminine voice from behind the mask. With a nod in response the ANBU disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

* * *

Sarutobi Hiruzen sighed for the umpteenth time since the arrival of the chocolate blond assassin. "So, not only did you complete your mission Naruto, you managed to bring back these four." Spoke Sarutobi, gesturing towards the quartet of missing nins. Receiving an affirmative nod, he pulled out his pipe and lit it. "I'm getting to old for this shit" mumbled the aging kage.

Chuckling Naruto said, "Old man why don't you just use shadow clones for this?" The group was laughing at Sarutobi's expense because the man was slamming his head on the desk repeatedly, repeating a mantra of the word 'stupid' as he did so. "Alright I got to go, me n' Eve gotta go check up on Sven and Rinslet to make sure they haven't broken anything." Stated the blond jinchuriki, "Come on you five." He drawled lazily, referring to the twins, Zabuza, Haku, and Eve.

* * *

"Were back," called Naruto, opening the door to the Namikaze estate, the others trailing not far behind. Rinslet being the first to come into the main room was shocked to see the newcomers, and was deeply annoyed to see Haku, Zabuza, Eve, and Naruto all smoking and reading Icha-Icha. Mizu and Gouzu where off doing something stupid, more than likely in a heated yo mama fight with Kotetsu and Izumo. Sven walked into the room and was appalled to see not only what Eve and Haku where doing, but _wearing _as well. Eve was wearing a pair of black high heeled boots that stopped mid calf, black skinny jeans that sat low on her hips showing the strands of her black silk thong, a red tube top that hugged her curves and stopped at her midriff, and had her hair cut to the middle of her back.

Haku was in a deep green mini skirt that showed off her round bottom, a battle kimono top that was the same shade as her skirt, which was partially open to revile a fishnet body suit that showed a decent amount of cleavage, she whore a pair of white strappy heals that completed the outfit, her hair was cut so that it fell just below her shoulders and some of her hair framed her face covering her left eye.(fan art fan art fan art fan art fan art fan art! Please T-T, I cant draw for shit.)

Before Sven could have his conniption, Rinslet declared, "Damn girl, you two look good!" Eve rushed over to Sven and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"Hi daddy." She said in a voice that made Sven cave instantly.

"Hey there pumpkin." He said in his usual jovial tone that only faded in serous situations. He gave a small glare at Naruto that promised pain if unanswered. "so who are these?" asked Sven gesturing at the mist duo.

"Zabuza, Demon of the Bloody Mist. At your service." growled out Zabuza with a mock bow. His title slightly unnerving the sweeper and the thief.

"Don't mind the big goof he wont bite." Stated Haku in an annoyed voice. Her statement causing her adoptive father to fall flat on his face, his leg twitching every now and then. Needles to say any and all tension in the room vanished. "Names Haku." Greeted the ice wielder with a small wave.

Naruto walked over and plopped down on the couch in a sprawled out manner. "What do you want?" He asked seemingly nobody. The occupance of the room looked at him as if he had grown a second head, that is until from the shadows the same ANBU from the gate stepped over to him, handed him a scroll and vanished in a swirl of leafs. Opening the scroll Naruto read

_Dear Naruto_

_I have signed you and the lovely ladies in your care for the chunin exams, you will find a seal at the bottom with their new regulation headbands._

_Good luck and do your best._

_Sincerely, your grandpa, Sarutobi Hiruzen_

True to the letter there was a seal at the bottom containing two new forehead protectors for the girls. "The old man put you two on my team, here." Said Naruto giving each headband a half-assed toss to each girl. Eve took hers to her room and turned the metal plate into a belt buckle, attaching it to a studded leather belt. She only threading the belt through one belt loop on her left side and letting the belt hang loose the rest of the way, the plate resting at the lowest point on her right side.

Haku placed the metal plate on her old leather choker and tied it snug around her neck. Each girl came down and posed in front of Naruto making him blush and make Sven and Zabuza seethe in rage.

Clearing his throat Naruto spoke up once more. "In one weeks time we will compete in the chunin exams, in that time we will work on synchronizing our styles." The girls nodded in understanding.

Sven and Zabuza spoke at the same time, "If they get hurt its on your head." They threatened.

"Duly noted." Responded Naruto with a sweat-drop.

* * *

Later we find Naruto in a field holding a familiar black sphere in his hands. In a flash he was wearing two clawed gloves with strange devises on the back, with the roman numeral XIII in them. When he moved his hands light glittered of what seemed to be monofilament wires that where attached to the fingers. Flicking his wrists he wrapped the tree in front of him in the wires, tearing it to dust. He the ran up to a log and punched it causing the contraption on that glove to fire a silenced shot (think Inglorious Bastards glove gun only silent and and on Jenos's gloves)

"This is more my style." Said Naruto with a lazy drawl that he and Train were famous for. He loved Akuma no Fangu but it just wasn't his style. With his new Akuma Tsume he would be able to make more silent kills. Looking at his watch he saw that it was getting close to the time when he would need to arrive at the academe for the first part of the exams.

* * *

After picking up the girls they chatted as they walked to the academe at a leisurely pace. At the second floor there were two chunin that Naruto recognized as his old pranking buddys Kotetsu and Izumo. They were using a genjutsu to mask a second floor room as the testing room and wouldn't let anybody pass. Doing the SMART thing, they passed by without a word. Once they opened the door to the exam room they were asulted by a wave of killer intent. Naruto had dealt with hatred and KI all his life so he barley noticed it, Haku was subjected to KI from Zabuza as training so she shrugged it off with ease, and Eve had to deal with murderous criminals all the time so she was unfazed. In retaliation they exuded a miniscule amount of their KI and that was enough to make them turn away. Standing in a corner they all pulled out some cigarets and lit them. The other teams from Konoha arrived with the emo prick looking like he had been through hell.

"You thee are to young to be smoking!" Screeched the pink banshee. Giving all the people in the room headaches.

"Can it bitch, old enough to kill old enough to smoke, drink, and fuck so shut it!" Yelled Haku, who then breathed a ring of smoke in said bitch's face, causing her to cough and gag. Some were startled at the ice users language but Naruto and Eve just gave her high fives.

"So your here too Naruto? How troublesome." Said Shikamaru as he approached with Ino and Choji trailing after him.

A spectacled boy with silvery hair walked up and said, "Can you keep it down, you all here screeching like schoolgirls and your pissing off the competition."

Hanibi spoke up and asked dryly, "And you are..." trailing off leaving it to the newcomer to answer.

"Kabuto, I myself am a veteran of this test." Answered the teen. "While I may not have been promoted I have had time to gather info on everybody here." he explained. "Anybody you interested in?" asked Kabuto.

"Uzumaki Naruto and Rock Lee." A certain Uchiha(he didn't ask about Garra because Naruto didn't walk around town, so he didn't bump into Konohamaru and meat the sand siblings) stated, wanting information on the two.

"Okay Rock Lee," Started the spy. " Excels at taijutsu, lacks the ability to do gen and ninjutsu, teamates Hyuuga Neji and Higurashi Tenten, sensei is legendary taijutsu master Mito Gai." finished Kabuto.

"And Uzumaki?" Asked Sas_gey impatiently._

"Uzumaki Naruto, stats unknown, only one mission recorded though. A B-rank relief assignment in wave, all records deny the existence of other missions he competed. This has lead many to believe he has completed his missions so well that the missions existence is deniable. Originally a one man squad, gained two teammates after his mission in wave. His teammates are unknown as well." Said a dumbfounded Kobuto. The information given shocking all the participants of the exam except for Eve and Haku.

Smoke exploded from the center of the room. "Listen up maggots take a number, find your seat and shut up!" Declared a gruff voice from the clearing smoke. A tall scared man in a trench coat and a bandana appeared standing on a desk. The collective thjought of team XIII was...

"_The first exam has begun!"_

* * *

**Well thats a wrap. Hate it? Like it? Love it?**

**REVIEW**

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	6. Chapter 6

love the reviews, well... what few there where, but still.

Thx to Insomniac-Gaara4488, Shooting Star Rider, Kira Kyuu, James, n' Yuri-Hime-Chan. And for those still wondering 12-15-7 =l-o-g. It's the corresponding letter to the number

* * *

The first test was, much to Narto's ire, a written test. Though it was strange that instead of being kicked out for cheating they had a countdown based point system... '_That's it,_' he thought in realization. '_Hes encouraging us to cheat, Eve will be able to get these down easily. Haku can use her ice and water to make an undetectable mirror system._' Slight panic entered his mind but he retained a calm facade. '_Shit what can I do? I could just steal someones paper, but that might get me kicked out immediately._' He felt a light prick at the back of his neck, his hand then moved of its own accord and started writing answers on the paper. He was momentarily distracted from his dilemma when the Procter made a remark to one examinees about playing with dolls. When he returned his attention to his hand he found himself in control if his hand once more. Reaching back he rubbed the back of his neck only to feel nothing amiss.

* * *

**Moments Earlier**

* * *

Eve had just finished answering the test that in her opinion was overly complicated that gave false clues to answering the questions,and had redundant information. She had noticed the Haku forming ice into mirrors that then became impossible to see. She knew Naruto would not be able to use his skill set to get the answers without getting caught. '_Now or never to test that new trick._' Though the blonde beauty, focusing on her new task. Slowly a tendril thinner than a single hair extended from her finger as it crept down the desk and across the floor. Working its way up Naruto's back it reared back and punctured the skin below the back of his skull, and continued into the brain stem. As if on a HUD a small screen appeared in her vision, she was seeing through Naruto's eyes, perfect... Now stage two, barbs slowly branched off from the tendril, hooking up to the neural pathways of her lovers mind. Motor skills, check... Audio, check... Sensation of touch, check... Quickly she forced his hand to wright down the answers. Retracting the barbs the tendril slid out of Naruto and crept back, disappearing into her flawless skin.

"Alright time for the tenth question!" Bellowed Ibiki in an over dramatic fashion. "before I ask the question you have a choice,you can choose weather you take the question or not." Explained the torture expert, only to be interrupted by a shinobi from sand.

"What happens if you chose not to take the final question?" Questioned the girl, her hair for spiked ponytails, clad in a skirt with a matching battle kimono top with a fishnet body suit beneath it, and had her sand forehead protector around her neck.

Clearing his voice Ibiki continued, " Simple, you fail. And if you get the question wrong... you and the rest of your squad will be forever banned from the chunin exams!"

Kiba in a display of small intelligence (that's quite the feet when it comes to him.) remembered what a certain silver haired nin had said, "That's bullshit others have failed this test before and retaken it!" Shouted the Inuzuka.

Smiling evilly the Procter continued, "In the past I didn't make the rules, but this year I've been given free rein." The man chuckled in sadistic glee as the faces of the of the genin morphed into perfect visages shock and fear.

'_Shit,_' Thought Naruto in a panic. Suddenly he had a moment of brilliance, ' _the_ _cheating was a bluff, this probably is too! Wait, there's still a chance it isn't a bluff. That's it!_' He thought, smiling like a cheshire cat. Flipping over his paper he wrote a few words.

"For those of you who wish to back down now raise your hand." Said the sadistic man.

Hinata, who had been siting to Naruto, slowly started to raise her hand, only for said blond to place his hand over hers lowering it to the table once more. Naruto gave her a reassuring smile, and gave her small hand a few small pats.

Glancing across the room Ibiki spoke once more, "For those still here...you pass the first test!"

"WHAT?" Was the resounding shout from most of the room save Naruto, who had figured out the test.

"As chunin you will have to make many hard decisions that may involve a possible casulty. The last question was one of those fight or flight moments, you could pussy out and retreat, or you could continue in the face of danger!" Declared the mind surgen.

"So wait," started the sand girl from before, "the first nine questions were pointless?" she asked incredulously.

Before Ibiki could answer Naruto stole the spotlight by speaking. "Nope, that was to test if you could gather info without being captured." He drawled out in his usual lazy manner, reclining in his chair, propping his feet on his desk. "Look at scar face," he continued earning a small grin from said scar face. "He was obviously captured and tortured at some point in his career."

Smirking Ibiki removed his bandanna revealing grotesque burn scars and drill marks, which freaked out more than a few people. "This is the risk you face as shinobi. Remember it." Moving his attention to Naruto he asked, "And how could you tell these where torture marks, and not just battle scars?"

"It's becau-" Started Naruto only to be interrupted by a...

_**CRASH**_

A large ball of cloth sailing through the window... typical Anko.

The ball unfurled in a blast of purple smoke, the top corners of the cloth being pinned to the walls. The cloth was intact a banner that said _The sexy snake mistress ANKO! _"LISTEN UP MAGGOTS I'LL BE PROCTERING THE SECOND EXAM!" Shouted Anko who had been curled up inside the banner.

Ibiki moved the banner out of his way, "Anko,you're early...again." deadpanned the tall man. Anko merely scratched the back of her head sheepishly.

"Sorry I was in the middle of something when I remembered that I had to be here, guess I rushed it." She whispered back. Turning towards the chunin hopefuls she spoke "Twenty-seven teams? Ibiki your not getting soft on me are you?"

"Hell no!" Exclaimed the torture expert, insulted, "Just got some good participants." added the man with a miniscule amount of respect in his voice.

Anko raised an eyebrow at that. "Oh well, by the time I'm done with them I can guaran-damn-tee at least half will be gone." Cackled the snake user in sadistic joy at the fearful faces on the shinobi. "Follow me or you automatically fail." She then leaped through the shattered window, team 13 followed suit. Catching on other teams soon followed the chase. Ibiki was collecting papers when he reached Naruto's. On the back he found a note that read,

_Dear Scar Face,_

_Nice bluff._

'_Gotta admit, the kid has balls of steel_' Thought Ibiki chuckling. Pulling out a pen he wrote on the paper below the note and tucked it in his pocket. Zabuza then walked into the room with a less than pleased look on his face.

"Where is she?" Growled the demon of the mist.

"Anko?" Asked Ibiki. Zabuza growled at her name, taking that as a yes he asked, "What did she do?"

Zabuza unbuttoned his pants, unzipped them and moved them and his boxers down slightly to show _Property of Mistress Anko_ tattooed above his dick, which had been tattooed to look like a snake, and his balls where tatted to look like dango. Ibiki placed his fist in front of his mouth in an attempt to stifle his laughter, which failed horribly because he was trembling with it.

"Not funny." Said Zabuza, still pissed that the snake women got the drop on him, HIM, the master of the silent killing technique. He would have his vengeance!

* * *

Naruto was not happy,no that didn't quite do it...HE WAS PISSED! His team had both scrolls because Eve had stolen one of them at the booth. How? He didn't give a flying fuck. They where rushing the tower when he felt jonin level chakra being used in a fight. Being the nice person he was he went and checked. What he fond was greatly displeasing, it was Orochimaru. He had just bit the emo king in the neck who proceeded to pass out.

"Kukukuku... The kyubi vessel. How deliciously perfect." Orochimaru all but purred, nearly drooling at the thought of experimenting on the container of the legendary beast.

"Back off pedo-snake, hes our fuck toy!" Shouted the chocolate blond's teammates, causing Naruto, who if not in a dire situation wold have gone red in the face sputtering, to smile awkwardly.

Charging forwards Eve morphed her hair into a mallet that she brought down so to smash the snake sannins head only for him to leap away. Naruto followed through with a hail of chakra bullets, some of which caught the snake by the left shoulder and knee. Naruto smiled until the Orochimaru he shot melted into mud. Biting his thumb to draw blood, he smeared it on the palm of his left hand where the kanji for Akuma no Tsume resided. In a poof of smoke his knew gloves where on his hands, but you could tell that the monophilament wires no longer connected the gloves. With a flick of his wrists he slammed the tips of his fingers together with a small click resounding through the area, pulling his fingers apart reveled the wires to be back, as the where glinting in what sun got through the canopy.

Leaping from his cover Orocimaru threw a kick at Naruto's head, only to be stopped when a mirror of ice appeared in his path. Haku extended her arm from the mirror, a black sword in hand. Having no time to preform a substitution the snake-bastard moved his foot in the way to take the blow, he immediately regretted it.

The sensation of having the blade rammed through his foot wasn't the worst part. No that was the blazing sensation that shot through his foot and up his leg. Performing a quick substitution with a log he watched in horror as the log was set ablaze only to turn to ash a moment later. Looking at his foot he saw that it was indeed charred and burned. He was so distracted by this development he didn't have time to doge as he was wrapped up in an invisible force and slammed into place on a tree. He substituted with a mud clone and watched as the tree was instantly reduced to sawdust.

'_Time to cut my loses and get the fuck out of dodge!_' Thought the snake as he shushined away to a safer part of the forest. He turned only to see the face of his former apprentice. '_Fuckberries..._' He quickly incapacitated her with the curse mark and booked it as he could feel several ANBU heading his way.


End file.
